Living With An Omnivore: How I Make It Work

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I get a lot of private messages on my Facebook page every day. Most of them are about going vegan, cheese cravings and how to help others. But the question I get asked more than any other is how to be vegan and live with an omnivore. More specifically, how to be happy living with an omnivore. Many vegans are nervous about getting into a serious relationship with someone who isn’t a vegan and especially about marrying them. Can it really work?

Keep in mind that everything I am going to share in this article is mostly from my own personal experience. And I also have close friends who have gone through this so I have seen it from the outside looking in as well. The first thing you should know and be aware of is this: If you are early in the relationship and your being vegan is already causing problems then it will probably never get any better. The early stages of a relationship are when people usually go out of their way to put their best face forward. And they are also more forgiving of things that bother them early on. As time goes on they will stop holding back and just let their feelings known. If someone isn’t holding back early then they don’t even have the ability to pretend early for the sake of seeing you. They sure won’t work with you later on.

I do not want to dissuade you though. If you really like someone who is an omnivore and are somewhat reasonable about it you can probably make it work. In fact the biggest question will probably be more about you than about them. Will you be happy being with someone who eats animals one year from now? How about five years from now. For a lot of vegans this is really hard because their compassion and ethical base is so strong. So you should first make sure you can be happy in this situation before you even start trying to worry about your partner. There are basically 5 questions you need to ask yourself. How you answer these questions will guide you on how to proceed.

Get the 5 questions you need to answer before getting serious with an omnivore. And how to make it work once you both decide it’s worth it. Continued on the next page below.

Do you really want to get serious with an omnivore? Start out by asking these 5 questions.

1. Am I effected strongly when I watch someone eating meat?

2. Does it affect me emotionally to the point of feeling sad, depressed or angry to watch someone eating meat?

3. If the answer to 1 and 2 are yes, how likely is it that these feelings will get even stronger as time goes on?

4. Do I feel strongly compelled to try and get this person to change every time I see them eating meat?

5. If so, is that compulsion so strong I can’t hold it back right now? And if I can now, does it get harder as time goes by?

Depending on how you answered those questions you should now know if you should even bother trying to have a serious relationship with an omnivore. Let’s be honest, it’s one thing to go out on dates a few times a week and tolerate someones actions. But living with them or getting married to them means it will happen every single day. Several times a day. And you will not be able to walk away from it.

If you have decided you can be fine with your partner eating meat then you have to come up with a plan for minimizing any issues that come up daily. If you have some rules set and you both agree to them it can be very easy. But laying the groundwork and getting a firm commitment from both people is vitally important! You must have that first!

I will tell you what has worked for me and how you can use it or adapt it to fit your situation. Continued on the next page.

I have been in a serious relationship with an omnivore for about 2 years now. It was pretty easy in the beginning but we did hit some complicated times once we started spending a lot of time together. Luckily the issues we had seemed to be small and worth trying to work past. So we talked about it and came up with a few ground rules. These worked when we were just dating, going out to eat several times to eat and things like that. And it was very simple.

1. He agreed that he would never insist that we go to a restaurant that did not have ample vegan options for me. It didn’t have to be a vegan restaurant but they did have to offer more than water and a side salad as their vegan options.

2. He agreed we would never eat at a fast food restaurant that wasn’t on my approved list. There were only two so it was an easy list to remember. Chipotle and Taco Bell.

3. I agreed that I would never try to force him to go vegan and I would never try to make him feel bad for being an omnivore.

4. We both agreed that when we were at each others house that some simple rules would be followed. At my house there would never be any meat in my house or any meal. But I would cook foods that he loved that were vegan. And we experimented a lot to determine what those foods were. At his house he promised that when he cooked that I would enjoy the meal if I left the meat out. So that meant plenty of veggies and fruits. And he promised to never cook any veggies in the same container or same place as meat.

As our relationship got more serious we decided to move in together. This meant our existing rules would have to be improved upon and amended. Some things change when you are staying in the same house. We have made it work with just a couple of modifications. I’ll share those with you on the next page below.

The whole process became easier when he decided moving in with me would be best. It was closer to his job and my place was nicer so it was an easy decision. It also made implementing the ground rules easier since my house was set up vegan to begin with. We added a few simple rules about food.

1. He was given a section of the pantry to keep anything he liked to eat.

2. He was given a section of the fridge for his meat, cheese, butter etc. It was a small portion, but since everything else he would eat is the same things I eat then really we share the rest easily.

3. I only prepare vegan food. If he wants something non-vegan he has to prepare it himself, even on days I cook.

4. If he is preparing dinner then he has to abide by the same cooking rules as when he lived in his own place. Cook whatever he wants but I must have a full vegan meal when the meat part of it is excluded. And everything prepared separately.

It seems like a lot of rules and restrictions but we both wanted it to work and he was really willing to basically put it in writing and stick to it. Any partner worth having will be willing to set up some rules and stick with them. So how has it worked for the last year and a half living together?

It’s been great. And since eating and cooking meat is a separate process he just opts to eat vegan most of the time. In fact I predict he will probably go vegan in the next year or two. He recognized that he feels better, is leaner and happier when he eats mostly vegan. So without complaining or judging I think I am moving him vegan. And he has been great with me from the very beginning. You can live in harmony with an omnivore but you must start setting the rules early on in the relationship. And you need to adapt them as your situation changes.

If you have any tips from your own experience, please leave a comment! We’d love to know how you make it work! Photo: Kerem Tapani Gültekin

Living With An Omnivore: How I Make It Work